Tuesday, July 1, 2008


I just bought myself three new navy blazers and a couple pairs of khakis. I'd say my war-drobe is set for the next few years!

Now I just gotta find a gas station that sells yellow "support our troops" ribbons, so everyone knows I'm doing my part. One of mine fell off, so I'm down to 4 now. I may have to move another one to make room for my "Masturbation is Murder" sticker.

Porn in Schools? No thanks!

I heard Obama wants to show pornos in schools, under the code name "Sex Ed". Our children don't need to be exposed to such nonsense so early in life.

All we need to do is teach them that those "feelings" they have are unnatural, and are only intended for baby making in married couples.

If we teach our kids about sex, they'll know how to do it and start having it all the time. I don't want my future kids trying to have sex at the dinner table, or at a school play because some liberals decided to show pornos in school!

Monday, June 30, 2008

10 things that scare me about Obama

10 things that scare me about Obama:

1) If you mix up the letters in his name, and add an "uslim" to the end of it, his name rhymes with Muslim. Coincidence? You decide.

2) He wants to drop a gay bomb on Antarctica so that all the penguins turn gay. I don't agree with his stance on this issue.

3) Flag lapel pins are the defining issue of our time. He doesn't wear one. Sounds very terroristish to me.

4) He wants to blow up the Moon, and feed all the falling bits of Moon Cheese to the homeless. I like the Moon just how it is, fascist commie!

5) He thinks the world is like 5 katrillion years old, like such a number is even possible. Every non-terrorist knows the world is 6,000 or 10,000 years old.

6) His parents almost named him Hitler, but they didn't want to give away their fascist commie Manchurian candidate plan to make him President.

7) He doesn't have enough experience points to be President. He's only a level 3 Senator. John McCain has much more XP than Obama.

8) He bought hummus from the grocery store once, which is terrorist food.

9) I'll have more later.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Facts that I don't think could be disputed even by God himself

Fact: The world is 6,000 years old, or so. Anyone who says otherwise is a terrorist.

Fact: Gay people are causing earthquakes and stuff. Is it any surprise that the last major earthquake was 665 days after a gay pride parade in San Fransisco? That's one day less than 666 days, which is Satan's number. God probably just lost count but his message is clear.

Fact: Guns don't kill people, people kill people. Same goes for landmines, nuclear bombs, and rocket launchers. All should be legal to own.